Skip to main content

Full text of "Wordeater"

See other formats


WOAMtflW I 



i*<LUty 





William S. Williams, Jr. 

Sandy Curtis . 

Judy Belfield 

Williaxs W. Williams, Jr. 

Judy Belfield 

W. A, Kahle 

Shelbia Chandler 

William Bowden 

Valeri Radcliff 

.Judy I Kte 

William E> Williams, Jr. 

Judy [ ke 

W. k. .able 

Judy Belfield 

Judy a 

Judy Belfield 

Kim Baxa 

Judy Lake 

William E. Williams, Jr. 

Sandy Curtis 

W, A. Kahle 

Judy Belfield 

Kim Baxa 

Judy Belfield 

Donna Shlbovieh 

William E. Williams, Jr. 

Judy Belfield 

Dan Druszkovski 

Kim Baxa 

Judy Belfield 

Be una Shifbovich 

W. A, Kahle 

Dan Druszkowski 

We A, Kahle 

Kim Bf. x.s. ■ 

W, A. Kahle 

Judy Belfield 

W. A. .able 

Valerie Radcliff 

Judy "slfield 

W. A. Kahle 

Kim Baxa 

W. A., Kahle 

W. A< Kahle 

Kim Baxa 

Judy Belfield 

Kim Baxa 

Will lea E. Williams, Jr, 

Judy Belfield 

William E. Williams, Jr, 

Juds Belfield 



Glancing Around the Room. ..,............*...«• 

With iOUo • »•*«•«»«»«.«»»•««.«»•••••»« «*•«..»••» 

Conceptions .»....<.«*....•............<•»•.... 

Shotgun Glances Time ......................... 

With Relish ■'•■•••»«••••'.••■*•«••••••••*•••••••• 

It * s Over ..*...<........«.....;*.••;««.>>».«.• 

Mxnd Games »•••».•.»•»'«««••••••••••••»••••»*•»«• 

Misunderstanding. .,..*.........».. .'.K.. ."...* .. 

Problem 8 s Problem. . ...... .-. » ........ . ...... . . . 

Best Friends ......«..,.............•.•*.«.•••< 

Two Old Black Men. .............. ............. . 

True Country Blues 4 or Does Bobby Bear Really 
Korror In Yellow. ..■.•...«,.«.......»......■-..«.'-..'•;, 

Lac ing ..«.«..«»••. ..............a.... •»>*.«.. 

'i'lme • «•»•«•••««.••»»•»«•»«»«*«•«»•*••»*»••«'*»»•• 
Today and Yesterday. . . ,- : . .-.'«''."..■. r.-.-. . *»■''; .•»'.•.. . 

As the Seconds Tick Away. . . * . « »»..-.. • * . ... 

Until That Someday . . . . . * ........,..;.. . 

A Leaf Fell ...,..«..................•...'..»...'.. 

Dancing Leaves . i , ;■■< « ...«..•...•<..«..'..*. . 

Autumn Shift ...................ft.............. 

Mid-November Crisis ... ......a......*.,.."... ... 

In the Window. ........ <i . . . s ................... . 

From Alencon 

Depression: Is it Jeanetic, Electronic , or Moi- 
Faces Blend Into" My Finest Fears .•«........•-.*-,< 

Shadows ../.... v .............................. . 

Trace's of a Shadow. . , . . ....... , ....... .v.- .♦.. . . . 

Apparition .................................... 

I Read the Sign. ............ • ............... , 

L/Otl LfJ/GiSXi e « • A ■ « • • » • • a * « • A * e 6 • * « * « • • • ft • • • a • h « 

I Am As Though I Were Hot ...... 1 ............ . 

Boozed Blindness ........ . *.•.♦.......,"._.'.■'..«•. . 

The Edge of Darkness .................. 

Perilous Knowledge. ................... 

Coming to Naught ....................... 

The Novelist .......................... 

X\ U..J* '«- iK i3 s c«9« e»«6«e»* tt-utis S> tf * i> * « * see" • 8 « * 

Fore/Four /For-Words 

Language in a Room at Midnight, ....... 

When Midnight Ceases to Exist. ........ 

Issues ................................. 

Anthems ............................... 

My Dearest Daughter ................... 

Passed Down. .......................... 

Trick or Treat & Merry Chri stmas ...... 

For B 

For All the Jeffs 

Roxanne .,...,,.. ....... . 

Cire Per Dieu. 



.'a' 1 ' 



. v 



1 
1 
]_ 

1 
1 
2 
2 
6 

6 
o 
9 

no 

10 

. 10 

. . 10 

.10 

..11 
...11 

« . 11 

...11 

..11 

. . 12 
,.12 
. .12 
ic!2 
...13 
..13 
.h 

..15 

. -15 

15 

...-15 

..16 

..IT 

. .17 

.IT 

,..17 

..18 

..18 

,*. .18 

= 18 

.19 

.19 

.19 

..19 

. .-. 21 

, .. 12 
,1.22 



\ 



William S. Williams, Jr. 



GLANCING AROUND THE ROOM 



Glancing around the room 

She cuts the simple ones, 

"J don't want you." 

She likes the GQ "boys 

Well dressed and veil heeled. 

Outside the chosen few, 

I sit j ripped to shreds. 

■?£ •& ft ft 3? 3t *& "X" 



Judy Belfield 



CONCEPTIONS 

I made a baby once — 

did soms moves 

sighed at all the right times 

pampered the fetus growing inside— 

when it came out 

the baby wasn't me. 

I made a painting once— 

slapped the sky on with a palette knife 

added some mountains 

and a few trees; 

when it was finished 

■bhe painting wasn't me. 

I made a poem once— - 

put the words together in such a way 

that something made you cry. 

The poem wasn't me either 

hut I am there 

between the words 

just as I am 

in pigment and blood. 



William E. Williams, Jr. 



SHOTGUN GLANCES TIME 

Shotgun glances time 

Through the window pans, 

Talking is for mimes , 

We'll play other games. 

Listen for the pin drop 

Among the ramp aging herd. 

Beauty is her sin 3 shot 

The magic word. 

When touching is impossible 

"Tot evn skin can foci 

Things that should ho plausible 

Nev-.-n- vi 1 1 be real. 



4 



Sandy Curtis 



WITH YOU 

A feel good feeling is comin' over me, 
I don't know what to do — 
Just wanna be with you. 

But there you are and here I am. 
We should be standing hand in hand- 
Just wanna ba with vou. 

Touching your face and kissing your lips 
Is what I hope for: 
I want to know if you feel it too — 
Just wanna be with you. 

i', :•- .;r. y. * a .; t. » 



Judy Belfield 



WITH RELISH 

I just ate guilt for supper, 
have it everyday 
about this time 
never get tired of it. 
I fix it in a variety of ways- 
cold, hot 

boiled, stewed, on a skewer, 
wouldn't want to bore myself 
with the some old thing. 

Day after day 

I hoodwink my eyes 

trick my tastebuds, 

but my stomach is on to me, 

isn't fooled by all the ruses, 

been protesting for years, 

threatening to get violent, 

erupt in some kind of way— 

I don ' t c are . . . 

Guilt is my obsession 
something I can't live vithout- 
unt.il it kills me. 

X : . ';';•"■ *i X i; ii 






-1- 



W. A. Kahle 



Shelbia Chandler 



IT'S OVER 
MIND GAMES 

While the autos whiz past me 
It was almost as though we were sus- on a busy thoroughfare, 
pended in tine, the .only sounds being the those eyes beam in the ghastly for. 
ticking of the clock and the distant hum Like ' zombies they speed, as if 
of traffic. I stood staring at Doug 
through watery eyes, feeling as though I.' d 
^been punched in the stomach. I didn't 



racing toward a destination of 
dire significence. 



understand and I "wasn't sure I wanted to. 

Doug glared at me for a long tine. 
His expression., came so close to hate that 
I was frightened. I began to whimper and 
back away. His eyes reflected disgust 
as he turned and moved towards the win- 
dow. He stood with his back to me, and 
the silence seemed to grow deeper. 

When I could stand it no longer, I 
perched on the am of the couch, deter- 
"mijaed to try agai . 

/■ "Doug," I said softly, "I'm really 
sorry. Please believe me, I didn't want 
to hurt you." 

He turned to face me, his eyes dark 
- with anger. I became afraid again, but I 
remained determined. 

"Please, don't be mad. I really do 
love you. " 

"Don't gimme that bullshit, Diane, 
you really loved me, you wouldn't be pull- 
in shit like this." 

Tears poured down my cheeks as I 
whined 5 "I didn't do it on purpose, Doug. 
I'm back in school now, I don't need a 
baby."t 

"You're damn straight about that! 
The last thing you need is a baby. All 
you know how to do is eat, sleep, and 
open you legs." 

The hurt s-cened to multiply as I re- 
plied, r 'That's unfair. I work hard around 



My mind could care less — 
the bitterness of years null 
have made me as one with them 
I am a person— 
they are steel- 
but the deadness is still there, 
no senses— 
no care — 

and I don't know when 
the last time I cried . . . 

On sunny davs the buttermilk clouds 

have hung bravelv over this head, 

only their soft beauty did not natter— 

my nunctured soul was leaking 

silent damnations aimed at 

a target unexposed. 

... Why did they have to <"lo it? 
If Wasn't it discussed over and over- 



death, love, life, and longevity? 
My heart's hurt, refusing to cease 
shooting messages of pain to this mind! 

That ' s it— it ' s over . 
I'll surely live somehow, 
as I strQll back to that empty haven . 
I'll drain off the pair- 
as I always do., 
with a buzz from a few shots of scotch. 

»-»*-« -::•■* sp- 



here, and you know that I've ' gone back to 

school to better myself. I want to do some- try. Your black skin is gonna always 



thing that pays well. I want more for my- 
self than a lifetime of other people's 
housework. " 

"School, my ass!". he shouted. "You 
aint learnin a goddamn thing. ! The only 
reason you go is so you can wiggle your 
\ass at the niggers and flirt with the 
^ teachers. You know damn well you aint 
^thinking about no damn job. Now you come 
runnin to me. You got your ass knocked 
up and you think you can drop the shit in 
my lap. You think all your dreams is gonna 



tell on you. I'm Douglas Turner, you 
cain't fool no cuz bullshit aint -bout 
nothin' . You aint no better 'en the rest 
of these bitches. If you was, you 
wouldn't be knocked up." 

Tears leaked from my eyes 3 but anger 
had replaced hurt. Doug had pushed me 
too far. I was too mad to be hurt. 

r: Let me tell you a few things, 
Mister! You want nigger English? Well, 



unfortunately, I'm not a nigger. 



I ar 



black, but I'm not a nigger; however, if 



come true. Well, Baby, I got news. It aint you want nigger English, I'll do my best 



gonna work. You cain't run game on me. 

His words cut deeply and my tears 
continued as I tried to speak calmly 
through clenched teeth. 

!: I resent that, Doug. I resent your 
whole attitude. It ? s highly unfair, and 
your accusations are unfounded." 

"Miss Priss resents my attitude," he 
mocked. "Dammit, Diane, get up off that 
white girl bullshit and say what the hell 
yfoxx. mean! Cut the crap and get off the 
high horse. You walk around puttin on 
airs, tryin to be better'en you are. It's 
all bullshit an' you know it. You cain't 
be no white chick no matter how hard you 



to oblige. 

"This I gotta see," he said sarcas- 
tically, Crossing his arms, he _ vfc in 

a nearby armchair and leaned b: - : to 
listen. 

I took a deep breath and lapsed 
into the street grammar that was a;— mon 
to my background and foreign t: y tongu; 

"You pushed too hard this xr :e. 
First you cuz me of gittin kno-- 3. up 
just so I can have you. You dr- — these 
shitty lines on me cu3 you thin. 1 ' I wants 
to trap you. Like you aint hav' - thin 
to do with it. Baby, you aint 5hat 
big a prize. " 



(continued ) 



Mind Ganes, continued 

Doug opened his ivouth "to interrupt, 
but I wouldn't stop. I barely paused to 
"breaths, as ny tirade continued. 

"You know, I aint got nobody else, 
but you sits there nakin like you thinks 
I been bed hoppin. You sayin nean things 
and you know you got no call." 

You speak in ny language, Baby, but 
you aint sayin a dann thing," Doug finally 
nonaged to say. He had, by now, crossed 
his legs and slid into a confortable po- 
sition. 

Leapingtc ny feet in total anger, I 
stalked to his chair and swung, ny right 
hand, intending to slap his face. He 
caught —"■ hand, yanking it and causing rie 
to fall into his lap. The feel of hin 
caught ne by surprise, and part of ne 
wanted to stay, filling ny nostrils with 
his after-shave. - He quickly squelched the 
urge. 

,; You better watch the bullshit," he 
said cruolly. "You know I don't pla^r that 
shit. You gonna hit ne, Douglas Turner!" 
That's shit!" 

x .' I junped up, sputtering, I can't 
believe you! Talk about ne on a high 
horse. Who the hell do you think you is 
anyway? What nakes you so danned special? 
You cuttiu ne up just to be cuttin ne up. 
When you aint playin at bein Mr. Cool, you 
don't us 3 bad grannar. t aint pretendin 
to be nobody. I was hurt when this all 
started, but now I don't give a shit. I'n 
gonna say what I gotta say. Forget the 
bullshit ! " 

"What the hell is that supposed to 
nean?" asked Doug as he sat up straight, 
.uncrossing his legs. 

"It ne?.ns, I talk the way I talk and 
live the way I live, and if you don't like 
it, go to hell," I answered. 

He stared at ne, but I continued. 

"We've been together for six years. 
I've gone through hell for you. My parents 
didn't and don't like you. They nearly 
disowned r-e when I ncved in here, but I 
stuck by you because I love you. When you 
lost your job and for six r.onths wo had to 
struggle just to got by, I didn't run out. 
I was here trying to help. I never con- 
plained about the nice things I was used 
to, but couldn't have any nore. And I 
never I nean never, forced nyself on you. 
After six years, I get pregnant, not be- 
cause I .dant to, but because even the 
pill isn't foolproof. Wow you turn on ne, 
pick ne apart, and screw up ny notives 
for everything." 

"Diane, I — ," ho interjected. 

"Shut up, you bastard!" I yelled. 
"I'n not tor ugh yet." I reached for 
a cigarette and the ashtray on the coffee 
table. Aft or lighting up, I sat back on 
the s^fa and continued. 

"I thought you loved ne, but I was 
wrong." 

"I do lovo you, Di, I—" 

iut up, dannitl You called ne a 
bifceh. T^nt hurt., biif ") x»efupe to hurt. 



All this because of a baby. You're so 
scared that I'll want to narry you. I 
trapped you, you say. I wanted to nake 
ny dreans cone true. What a conceited 
jackass you are. I nean, that's sone 
ego. True enough, I do love you,, but not 
that nuch, Baby, not that ouch." 

"What do you nean?" he asked auiet- 
ly. 

"I nean that you were right. - The 
baby isn't yours. I been screwin around 
with nyself. I got nyself pregnant 
and I'n gonna deal with it. I nean, you 
got one hell of an egc, and I don't, wait 
to deal with that. I'n tired of ■ rt ni- 
ggling and scuffling, trying to please 
you. It's about tine sonebody nade ne 
bappy. Since nobody else is gonna, I 
will. I nean, I don't want you, I don't 
need you, and I wish to hell I eo'ild say 
I didn't love you!" 

I watched. through tear-glazed eyes 
as Doug noved to sit beside ne. 

"Diane, please!" 

I stood up and walked to the win- 
dow, standing as he had before-.. He 
started to speak, but lacking the right 
words, said nothing. 

I continued, ! I nay not be naking 
nuch sense, but at this point, I don't 
care. It's hard for ne to believe you 
love. When two people love each other, 
a snail thing like this shouldn't thro" v 
then completely out of kilter. I only 
wanted to talk, I didn't say narry ne." 

Doug cane up behind ne. Placing a 
hand on ny shoulder, he tried to turn ne 
towards hin. I refused to budge, so he 
gave up, just touching ny shoulder. 

I wanted to turn around and fall 
into his ams, but pride held ne back. 
I knew he would apologize, but I could* t 
accept that. He had said such cr ~:1 
things and I couldn't believe 
didn't nean then. 

"I'n sorry, Diane," he :sai n • ,: I. 
didn't nean what I said. You caught ne 
by surprise, that's all. I lev: - u nore 
than ever. I know you haven't bo : 
nessing around. You love no, I >w 
that to , and really didn't nean ■ 
hurt you. ■' 

I turned around then. "I'n sorry, 
but I'n totally confused. I can't ooal 
with this conplete turnabout. I don't 
understand' it , and I don't want to feel 
the way I feel . " 

"I aint lyin Diane. You know J 
r.o crazy when I'n upset, but I've a over 
loved anyone the way I love you. Sod 
kn >wa I'n sorry." 

"What about the baby, Doug?" I 
asked searching his eyes. 

"Get rid of it," he answer?' with 
a glint in his eye. "We aint ric - but 
we can afford an abortion • I 3 J rant 
no snotty nose , hollerin brat run: - in 
around h~re. You can have another one 
in a few years, naybe, but ri difc ", 
■ft. 's Jjist ne and you." 



(continu: ' ) 



■3- 



Mind Gaoas, continued 



I could feel ny tenper rising as I wished, ny late husband wer=- her? to han- 
said, "I'n leaving." die this situation. I'd deliberately cho- 

Going into the bedroon, I began to pack sen his study and desk chair for ' neet- 
a suitcase vhile Doug followed, squeezing ing with Doug. Now, sitting her ?i:i- 
out crocodile tears. - gering his desk seened to give a 

"Baby, I don't want to lose you. You'restrength. I leaned back, took a sep 

breath, and decided to nake the j . ...rst 



all I get. Please (isn't leave ne." 

"Cut the crap, Doug!" I said, drip- 
ping sarcasa. "I don't want to hear 
it! You only Want ne to stay. Ycu don't 
care what I want."' 

"What the hell do you want!" he re- 
pliel, his anger returning. 

"I want to keep the baby, "I said. 

"Well, I'n sorry, Baby, but I can't 
hang. There aint gonna be no little bas- 
tard patterin his feet in ny house." My 
anger returned in full force- 

"I give up," I shouted. "You aint a 
ran, you're a goddanned son of a bitch who 
doesn't give a dasn about anyone but hiri-- 
vself. This baby is part of ne. I won't 
kill it! How can you even think -■? killin" 
your child? " ; 

Doug grabbed ny am, squeezed tightly 
and rasped, "It : s not ny child, it's your 
accident, and you about to have another 
cause I'n gonna beat the hill out of you." 
v "Is that a fact?" I said sarcasti- 
cally . 

'•.:•:. . indeed," he said seriously. 
/''I'n gonna jear that ass up." 

"Well, if that's the case," I said 
seriously, :T You better kill ne. If you 
don't, first chance I get, I'll kill you. 
And ioh't think I'll just stand here and 



riove . 

"Well," I drawled, "fancy se::;- 
you again. I'd always heard that o bad 
penny will always turn up. You're here, 
so I guess it's true." 

Douf snirked. "I see living with 
the upper-crust has affected you. You 
fight fancy now." 

"What can I do for you, Mr. Turner?' 
I replied in ny nost business-like tone. 

"Oh, Mr. Turner, is it?" Doug sail- 
ed. "Look, Diane, I'n not gonna beat 
arouni. the bush. It's been a Ioitt tine 
since you left Joliet. The twins are 
going t~ school now. I'n their f other 
and I think I deserve sonethino." 

Struggling to renain caln 3 I 
swered, "I'n not sure I under ston' 
Mr. Turner." 

"I nean, they are ny childm 
I want then," he said blunt ly. 

"You want then," I echoed 
ny control slipping. 

"That's what I said," he ar. erod, 
"and I nean to have then." 

"Over ny dead body!" I shouted. 
"Why the sudden interest? They're five 
years old, for Christ's sakes! ;'here 
were you these last five years? Yeu've 



aii~ 
I you, 

i s end 

reeling 



let you beat ny ass. I can't whip you, but never even seen then!" 



that sure as hell don't nean I won't try. 

"You bitch," he said letting go of ny 
am. "Go en off and have your baby, but 



Ion 



'+■ n 



ere cryin back to ne. I aint 



vgivin yoe. shit! I don't wanna see it, and 
I hop^ you die on sone street corner trjrin 
to feed "it! You aint shit, and you never 
will be. 1 

I picked up ny suitcase and walked to 
the front door. Doug followed. I turned 
around, stared into his face, and saw 
only hate. 

"Yeah," I said. "You love ne like you 
never loved anyone else. Well, if this is 
your idea of love, I'n glad to be gettin 
out . Think what you want , but when you 
s>5e ne again, I'll be nore than you'll ever 
/hope to be. You'll be happy to kiss ny 
nuddy boots." 

I opened the door and turned to face 
Doug once nore. 

"Thanks for opening ry eyes," I said 
-as I walked out, closing the door on the 
last six years. 

Six Years Later 
It was alnost as though weKwere sus- 
pended in tine. Two pairs of dark eyes 
net; in a nutual glare as the clock ticked 
on the nantle and sounds of the sea drifted 
through the window. 

Doug crossed his legs and sat back in 
^th<E chair, his eyes never leaving nine. I 
lTit ny fingers stroke the desktop as I 



"Diane," he answered in a tone that 
I found infuriating. "Up until last nont" 
they had a stepfather who coull do nore 
for than than I ever could. He was load- 
ed and he apparently loved thee . They 
didn't need a father then. They do now.'' 

"Aha," I sputtered, "the pieces be- 
gin to fit* You waltz in here six years 
teo late, a no nth after ny hu share's 
funeral, and just expect ne to hand ny 
children over to you! What kin" of a 
noron are you?" 

"Diane, be reasonable. They're 
boys, they need a nan's influence. v ou 
can't take the place of a father, and be- 
sides, you still have another cVld. 
Your little girl is about three, isn't 
she?" 

''You know, Doug, you're an unfeelin~ 
son of a bitch. I see through you, you 
know. " 

"There's nothing to see," 
plied, still calnly. "Tine has 
I've grown up, and I'n ready t: 
sponsibility for ny children.' 1 

"I'n sorry,'' I answered, ""! 
don't buy that. The change is tx) oppor- 
tune. You just want to get your hands 
on the noney their father left tar-." 

"That ' s not true , Diane , an'" • T ? n 
their father." 

"That, Doug, is a natter of -anion 
It takes nore to be a father the. just 
fertilizing an erjr. You don't hove what 
it takes." 



re— 
■,ssed, 
he re- 



it I 



(continue " ) 



Mind Ganes, continued 



'"That ronark was uncalled for," he 
said angrily, "but than, you always were an 
unfeeling bitch." 

"I, unfeeling,' 1 I answered, "that's a 
laugh!" It wasn't rie who wanted an abor- 
tion. You hated the idea of children so 
nuch you wore willing to beat the baby 
out of ne . " 

"Goddanciit, Diane, "that was in the 
past! How can I nake you see that I've 
changed?" 

"You can't, Baby, you can't. I've got 
a long nen.ery, and few people change that 
nuch. The scene between us was bad enough 
when I toll you I was pregnant, but I re™ 
nenber calling you after the twins were 
b-^rn. You didn't even want to see then." 

"Diane, I—" 
\ "Don't Diane ne," I interrupted. "What 
the hell can you give then now? You live 
in the sane run-down apartnent, probably 
doing the sane odd jobs. That v s no life 
for children. These - 1 "- 1 "-i have everything 
they could want. Their education is pro- 
vided for, they have nice clothes, good 
-food, and to top it all off, I 1^2 then." 

Doug answered, "I can play ball with 
then, teach then to fight, and to be real 
nen. Real nen don't sit under Mana's 
skirttails. Real nan know how to live. 
They can handle thenselves and their 
wonen at all tines." 

"Your definition leaves a lot to be 
desired. I don't want ny children to turn 
out like you. I want nore for ny boys than 
}fhat you can oive then. My chlllren will 
learn the qualities their late father had." 

"You dirty bitch! They're ny kids, 
and if you call then his again, I'll bust 
your ass." 

I laughed sarcastically. "You've 
changed, huh? Well, Doug, as I renenber, 
they're not vour children, but ny accident. 
You c ould never win a custody battle with 
no, and if you think I'll give then to you, 
you're crazy. You can't nake up for fivo 
years of rejection, and you can't give the 
'boys a love you don't feol. Look r:s in the 
eye and tell ne you love those kids!" 

Doug's eyes glared into nine, but he 
was silent. After a tine, he broke the 
gaze. 

"I con learn," he nunbled. 

'You'll never love anyone but your- 
self," I answered. "That's whore we dif- 
fer. You see, I already love Ken and 
Drake; they do have nanss, you know. I 
loved the 1 " 1 before they wc-r-3 born, ond I 
always will. I didn't plan on then, but 
I wouldn't trade then for anything." 

Doug sat with his eyes on the floor 
as I continued. 

''It nay interest you to know that even 
if I lid give up the children, you woullu't 
see a oenny of their noney. There is a 
clause in r y husband's will that stntos, 
If, for any reason, custody for the boys 
1 saves their n?t?ier, their inh^rit.anco re- 
'grts t 1 too stato until they reach twenty- 
fivo. ' If 1 r.jnarry, the sane thing hap- 
. n a . 

D w r i ioked at '"'.'; in anazenent. Then 
his fac3 erurvplad, an' he stArtsd to sob. 



"It aint fair. Y-u got everything. 
Big fine car, big fancy house, and nore 



'.oney 



at 



vou can spend. Those 1 



tards of yours don't need all that no- 
ne^; thev aint even old enough to 3"oend 
it." 

"Listen, goddannit , ': I scr-oaned. 
'Don't you never, as long as your ass 
points toward the ground, call hy child- 
ren 'bastards' or anything else. You 
nay not love then, or ne, you nay not 
even like us, but I love thoso child- 
ren, and like it or not, you fathered 
then. It aint right, and I won't, have 
it done in nv presonc^.. ' 

For once, Dou^ seened cowed " v ny 
anger. I felt slightly sorry for ,-in, 
then I renenbered sonethin 1 ;. 

"Doug," I said softly, "I've ~ot 
all the things you nenti^ned, not just 
becauso I had a rich husbond, hu' _ be~ 
co.use I worked hard to be successful. I 
graluated fron college at the top 3f .ny 
class, and I have written several juccoss- 
f ul screenplays . 

"I'n goina to give you a check for 
a hundred-thousand dollars. Not ^ocause 
I feel I "owe you, or because I have 
any oreat feelings for you, but because 
■°f sonething that happened a l^n^ tine 
a<ro . 

Doug looked at ne puzzled. Eis eyes 
showed despair, .and his hands trenKLed. 

5 V?ou told ne when I left that I 
wasn't shit, and I would nover be. I 
don't know if I told you then, but I 
will say now, I agree. I'n ~lad I'n. 
not shit, because shit stink 3 t I ^enen- 
ber tollino; you that one day you'd be 
glad to kiss ny nuddy boots. Let's see 
how right I was . " 

I opened a desk drawer, took ~ut ro y 
checkbook, and wrote out the chec i; . 
After I tore it out, I pushed it _ wards 
Doug. He sat, unbelievingly, for , .se- 
cond, then he nicked it u^, read : ;, and 
pocketed it. 

"Now get the heil out of her : , ym 
sliney bastard. But before i^u - 
watch how you spend it. Y<-m T r~nt get 
another dine fron ne. And if you ver 
cone around here again, I'll have ;u 
arrested for harrassrienti" 

Doug stood and bolted for t 1 : door. 
I sniled t~> nyself is I heard hi? ootor- 
cycle pull out of the drive- Then I 
picked up the phone, called ny fri'nl 
at the bank, and told her to .-.How 
Doug only a thousand on the chock. 

When I huno 1 up the phone, I sat 
back, sighed, and gave nyself a :.:otal 
pat >n the back. I had achieve! all 
of goals. My life was aonplete. 



#«*##**« 



->- 



Willi an Bowden 



I^SUHDERSTANDING 



She thought it true love she had ^ound 

Whsn the handsome young centaur walked her ground. 

But one rol.l in the hay, 

And h. trott: i away; 

Ke was only half-horsing around. 

A mountain of adversity 
******** Called for a pood solution. 



Valerie Radcliff 



PROBLEM'S PROBLEM 



Judy Lake 



BEST FRIENDS 

As she drove, Beth was thinking about 
her husband, Dave, and how glad she was to 
be getting away for a few days. Their 
marriage had been getting steadily worse 

y£o"r the past few months. Even though 
they worked together, it seened as if 
thzy took so little tire to really know 
each other. They were both so busy that 

N Beth felt the romance was slowly draining 
from their five-year marriage. Beth knew 
when she went back ^cme after visiting 



Sylvia, that she and Dave would have a lot 
to discuss. But, Beth pushed all that to 
the back of her mind as she turned her 
attention to her road map and thought of 
Sylvia. 

Beth and Sylvia had been best friends 
for the past ten years. They were in the 
-one homeroom throughout their four years 
of high school. Beth's name was Williams 
and Sylvia's was Williamson. So, on the 
first day of school, as freshmen, Beth 
vas assigned the desk right in front of 
Sylvia. Sylvia had muttered some funny 
remark about their new homeroom teacher 
under her breath. Beth had turned around 
in her desk to catch Sylvia's remark and 
"they both started giggling hysterically. 
So, their new friendship had begun. 
~7bey were constantly together during their 
-^adolescent school years .and discovered they 
-ad many things in common. This mutual 
"discovery led to numerous double dates, 
slumber parties, Friday night movies, and 
San&ay afternoon homework marathons. 

They were also noticeably different 
in several ways which increased their nu- 
sual attraction. Beth was attractive, and 
was always very popular with the boys. 
fifth's personality was also that of a 

eaaer. However, sometimes she came* across 
as being too Isossy because of her leader- 
snip ability. 

Sylvia bad a tendency to be slightly 
-^y.-rveight, and not as careful about her 
personal appearance as Beth. Because of 

" ls ' Sylvia had low self-esteem, and Beth 
was constantly reassuring her self-worth, 
and boosting her ego. However, Sylvia 
■/as the one with the charnintf pcr&orvilit&j 
and tjie easygoing nrrtnre~±Iaat (rt;tx-wt@d 



The tried and true had failed the test 
of feasibility. 

A group of perplexed people 
Called for an explanation. 

But none of these could find 
A kosher possibility. 

A group of thinking people 
Rendered a golden solution. 

But no -one cared to listen 
Owing to the difficulties. 

According to the map, Beth '. approy 
imately twenty-five more miles t rive 
before she reached Sylvia's house. Beth 
could feel the nervous excitement churn- 
ing in her stomach as she thought about 
seeing Sylvia again. In anticipation of 
their reunion, she unconsciously put 
her foot on the car's accelerator with 
greater force. 

Towards the end of their senior 
year, Sylvia got pregnant. The "hoy's 
name was Carl and he refused to marry 
her. Sylvia was devastated. She always 
had a lot of dates, but most of the boys 
had been interested in her as a rienci 
only. Carl was the first young man who 
had shown a romantic interest, an.! Syl- 
via had fallen head over heels for him. 

After graduation, Beth and f-ylvi* 
moved into an apartment together Beth 
had gotten a job at a real-esta'. agency 
working as a secretary. She lik 1 her 
job so well that she decided to take 
classes at night to obtain her real -es- 
tate license. Sylvia's parents -ave 
her enough money to pay for her hare of 
the rent and other expenses [until after 
her baby was born. When her !au 
was three months old, Sylvia %ot 
working at a movie theater in th 
inos. 

Six months later, Sylvia ar.d Both 
had their first major fight. One night 
after work, Sylvia announced to Both the.-'.. 
she was pregnant again. 

"Silvy," asked Beth, "what :ne hel" 
is going on here? One mistake J can un- 
derstand, but two?' 1 



job 

:-ven- 



"Please don't be mad, Beth," plesJeo 



Syl : v i a . 



I net hin at the theo ter ■ ■*-"—- r " 



(continued 



•6- 



base Friends, con tinued 

"So, is this one going to narry you?' 
asked Beth. "Or, is he going to duap you 
like the last guy?" 

"I knov he loves r.ie, Beth. He's 
askel re to nove to Kentucky with hin. 
Thats where his family is fron. We'll 
he leavin: next veek." 

"But, Silvy, whet do you. know about 
this guy? Is he going to narry you or 
what? Silvy, do you realize what you're 
getting into?" Beth asked. "You can't 
knov hin very well after such a short 
tine!" 



'I know that I love 



and anything 



also is really none of your business!" Syl- 
via replied in a rare nonant of an^or. 

"How can anyone ha so stupid? "shout- 
ed Beth. When she saw Sylvia's tears, 
B^th apologized profusely, hut from that 
nonent, their relationship was not quite 
as carefree as it had bean in the past. 

Sylvia and the baby moved out the 
following veek, and left for Kentucky 
with her new lover. She pronised to call 
Beth as soon as she was settled in,, and 
had. a teleohone. 

Sylvia called her parents six nontlis 
lftter.-, becking for noney. Sylvia : s nother 
galled Bethand had .given her Sylvia ' : s 
sphone nunber. "Please call her, Beth,'' 
Sylvia's nother had pleaded. "It sounds 
like she could use a friend.' 7 

Beth called Sylvia later that eve- 
ning. "Hollo, fi answered a nan with a 
gruff voici, 

"Hi," said Beth. "Is Silvy there?" 

"Who vants to know?" the nan asked. 

"Please tell her that it's Beth call- 
ing , ; ' she answered stiffly. 

"Held on!" the nan ansvered, -aia 
ieth hear}, hin drop the phone on a hard 
surface. Beth coull hear hin calling Syl- 
via in the background , but it seened to 
take sever al : limit as before Sylvia act- 
ually cane to the phone. 

"Hello?" a vonan ansvered in a voice 
that did not sound to Beth like Sylvia's. 

"Silvy, is that you?" asked Beth 
"This is Beth! God, how I've nissod you! 
Hov have you been?'' 

"OH, Beth, is it really you? It's so 
good to hear your voice! I've nissed you, 
too! Hov'd you get :iy nunber? Oh, pro- 
bably fron tj nother. I forgot! Beth, 
hov are you?" 

"I'-i fine, Silvy. But what about 
you? Have you hid that baby yet? Are 
you larri':: 1 now? Where ara you living? 
Listen to ne, ran 'ling on like this! Are 
you Okay, Silvy?" 

"Well, I havent had tin baby yet, but 
I'n due any -lay now. We livo- in a real 
s 'all town in Kentucky, and the nei dihors 
are all real nice, toe. We live in a cute 
trailer, anl Rich's got a Job working at 
'■' ■ local '"-rage. I'n doing good, Beth!" 

- Lethini in Sylvia's v->icj nado Both won-- 
! ?r how nuch truth thne was to that state- 



V 



know I was sorry about all I sail. I've 
really nissed you, Silvy. When did you 
and Rick gat married?" Beth ask 

"Well, we haven't yet, Bet: but 
I'n sure we will, and s^on. Pic. oro- 
nised he'd give the baby a legal est 
nane. I gotta go now, Bath. Ri sans 
I gotta get off the phone. Thanks for 
calling! Call ne again, soon, okay?" 

"Sura, Silvy! Bye-!" said Loth in: 
the phone. She had wondered why Pick 
wouldn't let Sylvia talk any Ion or vhen 
Beth was the one raying . for tha call. 

Bath spotted the fast food chicken 
place that Sylvia had todd her t^ 1-eh 
fcr. She slowed the car, and turneP 
left onto a travel road. "It won't be 
long now!" Beth thought excitably. 

Beth had net Dave while attending 
night school. He was also studying to 
get his real-estate license. They sens- 
ed a riutual attraction inriediately. • The 
day they both found out that they nassed 
their real-estate axaas , they vent out 
an"" 1 , celebrated. After getting slight- 
ly drunk on champagne, they went "ach 
to Beth' s apartnent and nade lov The 
following nonth, Dave novel in v: bh Be + k 
and the following year, they got narried 



They were now, as a couple. 



on a 



vf the 



»i< .^ 



S ' Ivy, iv ? iv 1 f .7ii " 6 v 



1 1 



V -n 



leading real-estate sales tearas In the 
area. 

Beth and Sylvia had kept ±r. touch 
vith Christnas cards and short, -u-adic 
letters. Occasionally, Beth would call 
Sylvia on special occasions, like Easter 
or her birthday. Sylvia had given birth 
to another daughter, and sonatinas would 
send photographs of her two girls. 

Beth had not seen Sylvia -nee since 
she noved to Kentucky- Beth ha : wanted 
Sylvia to be her naid of honor at her 
wedding, and had even offered to pay for 
all of Sylvia's expenses. Sylvia never 
cane hone that weekend, though, because 
Rick was working overtine and wanted 
Sylvia at hone. Beth was quit, dis- 
appointed with her friend, on' raver ou:" 
;ot over her hurt. 

Therefore, vhen Sylvia called her 
last veek Beth was really surprised. It 
was the first tine Sylvia had ever call- 
ed. Beth had always paid for t" : loiif- 
distance nhone conversations i • 
east, so Beth suspected it was ..thin~ 
.-if importance to Sylvia. 

Sylvia and Pick vera finally get- 
ting narried, an" 1 Sylvia wants ' 'hth t~ 
attend their weddinn 

"It's going to be Very sr. r Syl- 
via said, "with just a few fri 
My f^lks are on vacation, so th w »n't 
be coning. Please, Beth, you'v just 
gotta be here! tT 

Beth had a ' ■■-■"• - ur • ■■ to r In' Syl- 
via that she didn't nake it ';. - o:r 
wedding, but decided against it. 'Why 
burst her bubhle? :l thought Pot' 'Sure, 
Silvy, y hi Imow I'll be there, 
;■ • io .. :"i- nm 1 Pylv I? fcal ! 

(continue H) 



-7- 



Best Friends, continued 



longer and made their plans. Then, Sylvia 
\gave Beth the directions on how to find 
her trailer. • 

"Silvy sure did sound excited over 
the phone , " thought Beth as she neared the 
street to the trailer park- "It's about 
tins they made it legale" 

Beth wheeled the car into the trail- 
er "^arlc,., and glancing at Sylvia's instruc- 
tions 3 found the trailer with no difficul- 
ty. Beth' s first impression was that the 
trailer and the trailer park was about 
the closest thing she knew to living in. a . 
garbage lump.. All the trailers were shab- 
by, and, in various states of disrepair. • 
Beth saw Sylvia staring out the trailar's 
front window, watching for her arrival. 

Beth parked the car, and got out, as 
bsSylyin ca^.e waddling out to greet her. 
^Beth! "Sylvia shouted. "You're finally 
here!" 

"You're pregnant again!" laughed Beth. 
"You dirln't tell ne that on the phone!" 

"Rick finally agreed to give this 
one his last name," said Sylvia. "Of 
.course, he told ne I better have a boy this 



tine or he'll divorce n 



she joked. 



Beth smiled, but didn't think it was 
very funny. She was trying hard not to 
be shocked at Sylvia's appearance. Even 
without the added weight of the baby, it 
was obvious that Sylvia was at least 
sixty pounds overweight. Her hair was 
long and straggly, and Beth thought she 
mustn't have had a good hair cut or trim 
in the past six years since she moved here. 
Sylvia was wearing one of Rick's yel- 
. lowed tee shirts, but that was still not 

large enough to cover all of her pro- 
„ truding belly. The zipper had broken in 
her. pants, so Sylvia had three large 
diaper pins holding the two pieces of 
material together. 

"Bid you hav~ any trouble finding 
us?" . Sylvia asked- 

/ "No,. not at all. You gave real good 
directions,'' said Beth. . -•. 
J Sylvia led Beth up to the trailer, 

and Beth noticed there was no screen left 
in the front door. ..They, both went inside, 
^and Beth wrinkled her nose as the . stench 
assailel her immediately. "Well, it 
ain't much, but we call it home! ! announc- 
/'e:l Sylvia proudly. 

"Where's Rick?" asked Beth as she- 
glanced about the tiny cluttered trailer. , 

"He's working now, but I expect him 
latar," replied Sylvia. "He's always here 
in time for supper!" 

"Listen. Sylvy, why don't I take you 
and your family out to a restaurant to- ,. . 
night?" Beth suggested. ''It'll be my 
treat!" Kin;" 1 . D f o pre—wedding celebration?' 
Beth knew she would have trouble eating 
anything prepared in Syivia's kitchen. 

"Oh, that sounds like fun!" said Syl- 
via. "It'll be special, too. It's been 
awhile since we've been out to eat." 

10 - : are best friends for?" asked 
Beth as SylvLn oane over and gave her a 
big hug. 



Beth and Sylvia soent the n^-t of 
the afternoon reminiscing about their 
past,, and playing with Sylvia's tvn 
dau 'hters. Beth noticed that S*\7via 
did nest .of the talkir--. Sho- s^nii tc 
need a good .friend's listenin- ..or. 

Rick arrive:! home orounl fi'vs o' 
clock. As he entered the trailer, the 
two women were busy chattering in the 
kotchen. "SylviaT" he yelled. "Bring 

rig, r^ "b^SI* ! .' . . 

Sylvia ambled up out of her kitchen 
chair as fast as her obese body- would""" 
allow. She went to the refrigerator for 
the beer and then into the front room 
to greet Rick. Beth stood in th2 door- 
way of the kitchen observing the cou- 
ple. 

"Welcome home!" Sylvia gr e - \ :. q . him. 
"Look ^ho arrived today—my best friend, 
Beth, whom. I've told you all about." 

Rick grunted a hi in Beth' 3' direc- 
tion , and Beth nodded- a. shy helj _ . 
"What does she see in him? was eth's 
first thought. He sported a beer belly 
that could match sizes, with Sylvia's 
pregnant form. Beth was surprised be- 
cause he looked as if he was In his late 
thirties. Beth had learned earlier from 
Sylvia that he. was only twenty -six. He 
was only a year oiler than the two wo- 
men. Of course > Beth noticed thot Syl- 
via looked much odder than h2-r actual 
age too . 

"Uh, honey, BEth says she'll take 
us all out. for dinner . tonight as a wed- 
ding celebration. Where would you like 
to.gp.?" -Sylvia asked Rick. 

"Ho place:!" he grunted. "Wkot^s 
wrong with-. our trailer? Not good enough 
for your Classy friend-?" 

"Well,., .we can eat here, then," said 
Sylvia in her usual good-natured manner 
that Beth remembered from high school. 
"No problem!" 

Sylvia, began preparing lino • as 
she lumbered about the kitchen. Beth 
helped her set the table and was .el the 
dittle girls' hands and faces. By the 
time dinner was ready, Rick ha"- fallen 
asleep in his chair. 

When awakened, he began a : elent- 
less tirade against Sylvia, bla~. ig her 
for the late dinner. He continu.; 1 
throughout the mead, making Beth so un- 
comfortable that she could scarcely eat. 
She noticed that Sylvia lid not defend 
herself., even once, from his ridiculous 
accusations. 

After dinner, the two women p.t the 
children to bed, and cdeaned u~ the 
kitchen. Rick went to bed stiil -rumb- 
ling about the late dinner hour. Beth 
and Sylvia were talking in hushed voices 
as they washed the dishes. 

"Syivy, are you sure you want to 
marry him?" Beth asked. 

"Of course, more than anytd _ig! 
What a silly question!" Sylvia scooped. 

"Look, I'm sorry, it's just . . ." 



-8- 



Best Friends, continued 



"Just what?** demanded Sylvia. 

'Veil', Rick just doens't seen to act 
like a groom the night before his wedding. 
And why do you let hin Odoss you around so 
much? Why don't you ever stick up for 
yourself?" 

"Beca-'oe I love him and he loves ne," 
Sylvia stutoa simply. 

■"But, Silvy, are you sure it's love?" 

Ft Do:i r t you understand anything?" Syl- 
via asked angrily. "You're ny best friend. 
You should know ne by now. Rick has been 
the only nan other than Carl, who has ever 
wanted ne. You were the one with all the 
boyfriends, renenber, 'Beth? It's always 
been easy for you, because you're so pret- 
ty. I ? n not, so I have to take what I can 
Xget. And I got Rick!" 

"But what about solf- respect , Silvy? 
Can ycu honestly say .you ''re happy?" 

"Yes! Quit making trouble, Beth. 
I'm going to bed now with Rick. I know 
it's early, but I've got to be fresh for 
x my wedding tonorrow! See you in the nor- 
ning. Night, Beth." 

v v "Good night, Silvy. I'm sorry," said 
/Beth. Beth laid down on the old worn- 
v out sofa that was to be her bed for the 

night. It was only nine o'clock, and she 
"^wasn't tired. Besides, her thoughts were 
/facing. 

"What are best friends for?" Beth 
had asked Sylvia earlier. "I'n not even 
sure if I know anymore," Beth thought. 

Beth examined her feelings toward 
Sylvia and wondered if they had changed. 
"Silvy certainly has changed!" Beth 
thought. "Or has :she? Even back in 
high school Silvy was the follower of the 
group. She was always well liked, but 
was that because she was so easily molded? 
It was true, Silvy usually agreed with 
just about anything anyone said. Was she 
good-natured, or just a door nat?" 



ix 



.sually 
zhe let 

-Is. 
• v 



"And over the past few year 
Beth thought, ' it's been ne who 
keeps in touch. I write nost o 
ters and pay for all the Phone r 
Silvy couldn't come back hone f 
wedding, but I had to run down uere for 
hers! Then, ' for sone odd reas^ , I'm 
made to feel snobbish because I offer 
to take them out to dinner. I vp- .or 
what best friends. ARE for?" 

Beth got up off the dirty sofa 9 and 
picked up the phone. She "^laco" a col- 
lect call to Dive. The operator fi- 
nally connected them, and she heard 
Dave's v. ice at the other end. "Beth, 
what ' s wrong , honey? " 

"Nothing, Dave, nothing. It's just 



that 

hone 



I'n coming 



I'm leaving 



Iding?- 

T! 

Silvy 



curry 

ague 
,- - " 

ocrat- 
"Sil- 



Willian E. Williams, Jr. 



I really do miss you! 

sooner than planned, 
tonight . " 

"Tonight? What about the w 
"The wedding's not that ixrnorto-- 

"Not important? But you or 
are best friends!" 

"Not really, IT-ve. I think -'t's 
always been kind of one-sided. _ u're 
my best friend, and I just now realized 
the fact." 

"I'm your lover too, baby! 
home and drive safely. The cho 
will be on ice, and I'll be wait 

Beth replaced the rhone ana 
ched out a quick note for Sylvio 
vy," the note read, "There's, an ; 
gency at home, so I had to leav r : : immed- 
iately. Happy Wedding Day! You two are 
' pefect for each other. Keeo in touch — 
Beth." 

Beth placed the note on th*= kitchen 
table with a fifty dollar bill -s a 
wedding -ift She dra^tel her suitcase 
out to the car, and quickdy threw it in 
the "back seat. After starting the car 
and putting it into gear, she hessded 
towards the highway. 

She would be hone in abou 4- three 
hours. She smiled as she thought about 
being with her best friend, and she un- 
consciously put her foot on the sar*s 
accelerator with greater force. 



WO OLD BLACK MEN 



»•»-»*#«#* 



Two old "lick nen huddle around an oil can, 

trying hard not to feel the wind. 

Planes from burning paper brush their hands. 

There's pain in warmth; 

quiet nights on front porches 

where soft words were si^oken to gentle girls, 

who -i • -.1 . • at each whisker of love. 



-9- 



July Lake 



W. A. Kahle 



TRUE COUNTRY BLUES 

OR DOES BOBBY BEAR 

REALLY CARE? 

I got ne a "brother 
• Don't k what he should 

Ain't get a job 
Don't snell too good 

My na ' s busy noanin ' 
'Bout problens and pains 
My pa up and left her 
He junped a freight train 



HORROR IN YELLOW 

Yellow wallpaper 

in an octagon bedroon 
fed twisted thoughts 
to the g oilier who 
had to stay. 
Sexual concepts 
like the ones 
mother abhorred 
to hear father tell' s 
stabbed his brain 
over and over. 



My sister's got younguns 
No ring on her hand 
She' s f oolin' around 
With sone guy in the band 

We live like the hil billies 
Do"wn on the fam 
The house is a wreck 
No way to keep warn 

l gotta escape 
There's better for ne 
Soneday I'll be sone 
ust wait and see 



My do j is the only one 

I can call friend 

When I split, he'll go with ne 

My true friend 9 to the end 



Judy Belfield 



LACING 

Summer night 

inkwashed over the city, 

the hot afternoon 

dropped in its tracks 

faint from the sun, 

languishing 

in heavy honey suckle breath. 



Torture inside 

the iron curtain 

brought back the 

searing nenories of 

the boy— 

the nan, now 

faced to attenpt 

annesia. 

Yellow! Yellow! 

Stop the danned 

screaning 

of your color 

in ny eyes— - 

you return 

haunting horror 

of those bodies 

butchered in the 

sunlight-- 

crusted, rotting . 

if ^nly— only 
the years could 
reverse 

back to 1927™ 
the year of r;y 
fourth birthday, 
when your color nea 
good things : 
delicious, innocent 
jrellow lemon drops 



nt 



Judv Lake 



TIME 

Tine riarches like ah amy 
It never skips a boat 
'Changing lives juo~ over- 
night 
Marching on silent feet 

Marching always -o rr ord 
Like a soldier in .i ■ 

'night 
It gives no ^refer "ice in 

its t - i2h' 
We're all within its sight 

Tine can be a healer 
But it also can v : cruel 
A achizophrenic =n .ny 
Tine and life are in a duel 



Judy Belfield 



Dreamers punctuate 
the darkness- 
scattered on stoops 
and sidewalks 
hidden from the noon 
and each rther 
dreaning-^-!-, -j_ r dreans. 

I would lace then all together 

with a long black thread — 

the dreaners end their dreans- — 

if I could, 

lust to see how nuch like stars 

they soarkle, 

low snail a tine they fill 

between dusk and dawn. 



TODAY AND YESTERDAY 

Tell ne, Leonardo, 

when you watched the clouds long ago 

and dreaned of flight, 

did you r>eek into today? 

I look at clouds 

and cannot think t^norrow — 

I linger on a blue lip of sky 

and feel yesterday; 

know these clouds are yours 

though they are here and now. 

Man flies, Leonardo . . . 

I wish you couli see. 



«-x#»##*-5:- 



-10- 



Kin Baxa 



Judy Lake 



^S THE SECONDS TICK AWAY 



UNTIL THAT SOMEDAY 



. The fly swan around his head, the sane Someday I'n gonna run away, 
fly that had hovered over his lesk all year. Drive the car 



They were old friends by now, and were 
equally bored with the instructor who 
droned ;>n monotonously in front of the 
chalkboard. 

He shooed away the fly because he 
.didn't want to be bothered in his boredom. 
He looked down at his paper that was sup- 
posed to be for note-takin", but was decor- 



To Nowhere. 
Away from you. 
Away from us. 
Away from All This. 

I'll find a place 

At the end of a rainbow, 

Maybe . 



ated with doodles. He liked to think of this Someplace. 



Where all my dreams will cone true. 

Somewhere, 

I'll find ny very own spot. 

Just for me. 

Only me. 



Until that someday. 

My life remains unchanged. 

So, I'd better prepare supper, 



class not as History 101, but as Doodling 
101. He and the others around him compared 
doodles often, and had even started to 
rank them on originality and difficutlty. 
He consistently scored tho highest among 
the four, probably because he practiced the 
most. 

Fred, the fly, was back appreciating 
the latest artwork which covered half a 
"page. 

As the year had worn on, the doodles 
appeared more often and the notes less. 

He "lmcs't yelled at Fred to leave him 
alone, but he glanced up at the teacher, 
who was •_ -w writing something on the board, 
s and he realized where he was, -and stopped 
himself. 

It was good to look up at the teacher 
, v evtsry once in a while; it looked as though 
you cared what she was saying. 
/ He went back to his artwork, and when 
/he finished, he looked at it critically, and melting into a moment of whisper 
decided that it was his best yet. long ago . . . 

Then he turned around to see the cdock. your soft hair 



«*x»$f##« 



Judy Belfield 



MOON AND YESTERDAY 



Moon mood wretched 
a low sax song 
milk bath in blue 
dissolving into yesterday 



One minute down, forty-nine to zo, 



#«**#*:-*% 



William E. Williams, Jr. 



A LEAF FELL 



a leaf fell, 

there was no 1 >nelir: 
only terror 



in ny finders, 

your heartbeat 

pulsing in my chest . . . 

Now the moon 

like a last guest lingering on 

trying to save a final noto 

becomes a perverted strain 

lost sone T - TU :r^ 

in the starched pockets 

of ny soul. 

W. A. Kahle 



Ibye 



\ 



Sandy Curtis 
DANCING LEAVES 



AUTUMN SHIFT 



See the leaves dance to the nusic of the 

wind? 
They dance on their toes 
And twirl with delight, 
Then they leap in the air 
In an unending flight. 
Their dance will soon be ending, 
For the sky will fill with white, 
An«l c >ver up the stage 
Where leaves danced on windy ni; r ht. 

•:H:->H(-#x-x-)f 



Burnt fra -ni-rtr; 
of folia 'i- Hsfti; 
another s :-as ~n 
arrived. 
Acrid snckc. 
clogi ';ed til i ail- 
where bir n s 
once n.al 
their hor . ., 

Cutting win's 
sharp, cm" 1 



-11- 



hp.v stolen the 
t/'i" spaces. 
Or. ■ n abounds 

rich in texture 

soon to be 
crystal whit . 
Seasons ehan r 
changing or ?ui 1 - 
continually i. 
the trust 



■■':■■" "«#*c: 



Judy Belfleld 



Donna ShibOvich 



> iMID-NOVEMBER CEISIS 

The niddls .if Novenber 

waiting for snow g 

agon % in-- over . the : gray 
vthat leaked into ny heart 

the lay after Halloween. 

Novenber is so solid— 

a steel bracelet on the year 
^saying goodbye to yellow 

with such finality. 

Twelve nbnths til next October, 

twelve months again, ' 

since the last . . . 

I age nyself 
frori ,111 Saints Day 
to All Saints Day, 
nake resolutions 

like nost people do on New Year's: 
take stock of the past 
see the failures 
leading up to this gray. 
Progress, I think, is like knowledge; 
when you finally know, 
3 3U know that you don ' t . 
^Tho ni'ddle of Novenber 
agbnizing over gray. . . 

Kin Baxa 



IN THE WINDOW 



Candelabra in the window, 
I see ng one but nyself. 
Reflection, soft around the edges 

Fire in the eyes 

The wing cries softly 

Then enters to drown the light 
and the reflection is gone. 



Judy Bel field 



FROM ALENCON 

This nood is lace 

made in France — 

not white originally 

but bleached to purity 

like commercial bread, 

its fibers processed 

and the colors of earth washed out. 

This nood is lace 

carefully threaded by hand 

tatced strand by strand, 

a meticulously plotted pattern 

of flower petals — 

a fine imitation of nature 

with a scent and texture of its own. 

I have worn lace b-fr^ 

in a cathedral filled with light, 

candLeolew, stained— glass 'windows, 

a radiance inside . . . 

this nood is lace 

bufc hasjiQ reference i 



\ 



DEPRESS ION : IS IT JEAJSETXC , . ELECTRON! C , 
OR. MORONIC? 

The last party I went to was . Hallo- 
ween party. I was content, noro cot at 
than I had been in a lona tine. P.- con- 
pany of ny f riends., , the music, in n - be 
opportunity . to socially ningle with ,;on- 
sters proved a setup for happiness. "hat 
nore could I want? 

I nust have wanted something v i he- 
cause a couple hours had passed, v." I 
was overcome by a sub -n . shift ir. fooling. 
The world became a blur of orey:i-,ss- -black 
at best-— and nv conpany of fake are. friend- 
ly nonsters evolved into a beastly burden. 
I then locked nyself in the bathroom and 
began to cry. For no apparent reason, 
I had becone the victin of a deep, "some- 
body-died" depression . 

Once I got hone and started to feel 
better, I decided it was tine to go and do 
sone research at the Strange Library. This 
library is located two blocks from the 
Brain Center and is on Cause-and~Effect 
Drive. I go to the Strange Libra::/ to 
find causes for, seemingly, reasp: less 
effects. The librarian, Mr. R. E. Son, 
once told ne, ; 'There is no effect without 



a. cause, and taore is n" cause wit 
an effect. The absence of causes 
effects doen't lie in their nonoxi 
but it lies in our ignorance. !' 

While I was slippingthrough 
less aisles of this library, ny at 
tion was drawn t^ a book entitle" 
sion Without Reason ? The author * 
"reasonist" by the nar.e of Cannit 
I took the book fron the shelf ar- 



id t 



o rea 



=0,-1 



After I conolated th 



}Ut 

once, 



' -- count- 

Depres- 
.3 a 
, True, 
start- 

; JOO^, 

jo inpor- 
debree- 



I became increasingly aware of th.; 
tant, but unthought of, causes for 
s ion : j cans , electrons , and nor o* s . 

Are you depressed? Yes? .No? „ If 
you are, look d~wn,.- Are you wear in \ jeans' 
If you are not wearing jeans, look around. 
Is anyone else around you wear in~ the- ? 
Mr. Cannit B. True, the reasonist, says 
that the activity of jeans can cause de- 
pression. Jeans contain a series of ex- 
ternal notions which interact with ~ur 
genes and with the jeans and genes of 
others. If we are alone, and wearing 
jeans, an internal depression is caused 
by the absence of chronos (dress pants) 
to carry the notions of our jeans to our 
brains . 

It is understood that people \o not 
wear dress pants and jeans togeth- r 3 s : it 
can be concluded that all people 
other people. We need both jean; 
chronos to live happy, content el 
When our world tries to make ;.-v;-: 
only jeans or wear only dress pa: 
loss of diversity and blocked ca- 
tion triggers the depression res; 
When nothing cones of' freshness i 
brain, it sets lonely. It gets : 

Depression can also be cause- '' i 
jeans we wear are too tiaht. Wh,r- "ur 
jeans are too tight, a closed, yithdrawn 
j-f >.,■>.-,■■ if. i. •/-» <fte> y '/. -.«■,;,'., When an a 



.' Ill ?. 


ives. 


no wea 


- . this 


e dd-a- 


:is - . 


che 


-j-jpaal, 


tf th* - 



-1 



(continued) 



Depres s i on 5 c out inued 

tight-jean state, we ■will not let anything 
into ourselves. This isolation is the 
machine to nmrafacture sadness. 

If we find our jeans and chronos not 
to he the cause of our depression .(or, we 
simply don't accept Cannit B. True's re- 
search on the issue), then ?Ir. True sug- 
gests that we look even further outside of 
-ourselves. Extensive research, scienti- 
fically, has heen done on electrons, hut 
a little divergent thinking and a pro- 
found knowledge led Cannit D. True to be- 
li_T that electrons play a riajer role in 
depressive states. Scientists refus . to 
accept this, but there are three distinct 
types of electrons: whees, tings, and 



,f , UI ; depression, where do we gc? In his 
hook, Cannit B. True says, "When TT e'vo 
looked around us to find nothing, we oust 
look inward.' 1 Mr. True directs h_,_ intro- 
spection toward becoming aware of uxie 
things that nake us sense, percc-I .■-- . and 
feel—our morons. 

Everybody has norons and everybody's 
norons are different. Morons sit on 
neurons, and help neurons carry moral 
messages to the brain. Our norons are a 
constant reninder of the things we should 
do and sense and perceive. Since our no- 
rons instinctively know what is good, they 
can only becone faulty when . we oo against 
then. When we interrupt our moron-neuron 



bongs. . harmony, we are both physically end men- 

Electrons possess very definite personally depressed. For exanple, if we stop 
alities. Cannit B, True says that we have our norons fron telling our neurons to lift 
to know which electron is which in order toa helping hand to soneone in need, wo are 
understand how they effect us. Whees are defying the vital moron-neuron balance. 
vary positive in nature; they are happy We also becone depressed through distrust— 
and loving and strive to find satisfaction. that includes distrust in the natives 
Bings are neutral and apathetic, producing of our norons. 

a feeling of boring blankness in the envi- Cannit B. True violently scalds the 
ronnent. Bongs are extremely negative use of the negative person-naming tern 
and increase t u moil whenever thejr can. 
Bongs are irrational because they drink 
.00 nuch alcohol and smoke too nuch pot. 



"moron." 



People use that tern, 
only when they are depressed, and 
control of their own norons. We . 



he s*vs, 
not in 

nly say 



Electrons are all around us, and they things are "moronic" when we do not under- 



interact directly with our subconscious. 
There is no getting away fron then. The 
sounds electrons nake are exactly like 
the pronunciation of their names. Hu- 
mans,, when depressed, can hear electrons. 
Electrons are only heard when too nany of 
one typo (whee, bing, or bong) are pre- 
sent in a person's world. 

. The id .al situation is to have a ba- 
lance of whees, bings, and bongs. The 
absence of balance causes problems. Too 
many whees could shut out compassion for 
others who have too nany bongs. Lack of 
compassion promotes rejection; rejection 
brings forth depression. Having too nany 



stand then. We all have things wo can't 
perceive, so we are all "norons J Wo be- 
cone depressed when we look at ou " "noronii 
qualities in a negative fashion. , 

After I finished reading Per: ssion 
Without Reason? , I left the Stran ;e Li- 
brary, surprised and shocked by oil of the 
causes for depression that I hadn't thougfcr 
of . The nest important thing I learned 
was that degression should not be elimi- 
nated, but it should be balanced with the 
other emotional systens. Ca»nit B. True 
concluded his book with the followin" 
statenent: ''Depression in itself is not 



bad; however, too nuch or too little of 
bongs .around us interferes with our enjoy- anything (including depression) causes 
ment of good things, and with the a' ility distress. 



t<? accept love. Seeing the world through 
pessimistic irrationality would, indeed, 
be sal. The pr^blen with too nany bings 
is obvious when it occurs. If we felt no 
intensity in anything, and all was devoid 
of meaning, why would we want to live? 
Binos are noted for being present during 
suicides. 

If we have looked at .all the possible 
-xtornal causes and cannot find the source 

Willian E. Williams,, Jr. 



What Mr. True says 
I think it can. 



can it 



oruf 



tt*«KK**tt 



Judy Bel field 



f JYTH 



FACES BLEND INTO MY FINEST FEARS 

^acj3 blend into my finest fears, 

of opaque attitudes, 

quotin" beatitudes, 

for ny fine father, 

dressed in 1 lack 

lace, 

as. a hundr . ; edite 1 bibles 

cr'ixsa t!i ■ 'I n ; one 



'Pressed like the bones of 
between rock, 
these relics 

perform an ancient rite . . . 
you and I 

know pleasures so antique — 
notes fron the beginning song 
played through to now 
which we think is new . . . 
an*! this is .-inly one lelusion- 

*ttt»4f##ttM 



inos' 



-13- 



Dan Druszkowski 



- 



SHADOWS 



Causes 

An ocean vet with sorrow 
Stan Is there peering at tonorrow 
In a vibrant voice it violently unfolds 
Causing pains that make one suffer 
For two reasons and another 
It fuels the flames of stories left unt Ud 
Thesa reasons aren't existent 
But the ocean is persistent 
The cause of this annoyance's unknown 
.The ocean casts its shadow 
On a thought-provoking battle 
And faces fear for reasons cf its own 
It tries to conquer solely 
Those who deen themselves nost holy 
Its arrows sailing fron the devil's how 
The ocean shows no nercy 
Towards those of whom it's hurting 
It tries to sell all good as though it's 

old 
The reasons have been borrowed 
Fron fictional encounters 
With souls that are left burning in their 

hones 



Like The Ocean 

\ 
s 

Shadowed by the presence 
Of the evil in her thoughts 
Arrows pierce the essence 
Of the beauty that she sought 
Breaming in the darkness 
.Of the nightmares that exist 
Scheming with her prowess 
^et the evil still persists 

''Following the walkway 
Of a path that has been lost 
powering fron New days 
She just laughs, the norning coughs 
Vandals causing pr obi ens 
Deep within her tainted nind 
/ifbxL, she tries to end then 
And she fails every tine 
This denon that infests 
Her withered, storny heart 
Never wants to regress 

/"til her dreans are torn apart 
Tnis burning presence lingers 
In a fashion so sincere 
Selling Dut its anger 
Like the ocean did in fear 



leav^ 



>u 



Made you cry 

You had feelings and sane pride 
But that storm cane along and you 
Into a world torn by lies 
You were welcomed into life 
3y killers' hands and foggy minis 
That will try to torment you through tine 
Have you a heart that will forgive' 7 
Show some pity towards these hands 
That brought you here 3 ^ave you life, and 

made you livs 
This body you renain in 
Lost and dizzy are you hoping 
For a someone who'll show nercy anl will 

sin? 
Good things flowering inside 3 r ou 
Then they Trow old and remind you 
You're still here, sadly pleading 

soon 
And there's a person trapped with:'. 
It's not yourself you don't know \ ' 
Perhaps it's just your body turnin blue? 
Its shower fills your soul 
Flood. in " hopes and drowning dreams 
Silent screams that close and loci: the 

door 
At one tine you were whole 
A body and a nind that now dysfunction 
Running frightened and leave you to the old 
Through the dark your eyes still stare 
They can't be seen, but can be felt 
Like shadows of your being in the air 
There must be someone who will core 
"blest " r - they who show nercy; 
Mercy shall be theirs ..." 



Leaving 

Say hello to Jeuss for me 

When you pass away 

lav:- a drink to pass the tine 

There's no end to eternity 

Make a toast to tine without end 

The holiday begins 

A banquet for your welcome 

Send postcards to your friends 

As the devil sips his brandy 

Pass right by his eye 

His leisure will destroy hin 

No disciples to recieve 

A sinner crying at your side 

"Take me there with you" 

Clear your heart, prepare your charm 

Are you ready now to die? 



Analogy 
& death that never finished 



Its taking of a life 

Like a star that still exists 

But has lost its light 

Like paper without words 

A clock that will not chine 

Music left unheard 

A rain: is out of 1-ine 

A roics that lost its sound 

A sadly vicious crine, others resting in 

Thm ground, This one's still alive 

y Euthanasia 

<at)o you remember when you died: That livid 
y unleashed a storm iiT^n you life, and 



Deliverance 

The norning rests in memory 
The burning pain has gone away 
A stone casts shadows in the broeo- 
Shading hands that have been tamed 

Some songs sang by some sages 
In rhythm with awaking ninds 
Their keys unlock the cages 
That silence sound throughout all 

The shadow is in unity 

With nind and body on this day 

Sterns now sleep peacefully 

-■'lh- > K": H./iue l) 



Shadows , c ont inuad 

Their dying colors fade away 

The book without. its paces 
The clock without its tine 
The spirit trapped for ages 
Nov flows freely into life 



Kin Baxa 



TRACES OF A SHADOW 



Anong the shadows 

a tear glides softly, 

slowly down. 



Judy Belfield 



First a whisker, 
then a shout 



APPARITION 

Cathy in chiffon 
<prancing the noor 

scooping heather into bundles 

for her arras 9 

locking hack to the stone palace 

trying to see Heathcliffe 

with warn sailing eyes 

softening in the twilight 

pleased with the vision. 
/'Pretend/' she whispers, 

longing for hin 

to share the fantasy 

hut he never does . . . 

I kept on dreaning 
til the night ended 
and a snoky norning 
swirled in coffee 
scalded nj tongue 

I " can't sven whisper. 



Crying out in desperation 

the cry is lost 
in the traces of a shadow. 



«#«#•»***• 



Donna Shobovich 



I READ THE SING 



I read the sir;n: 
NO Right Turn 
But .... . 
No one aver said 
NO Wrong turn — 
so excuse no 
I believe I have 
the wrong of way. 



*«####x# 



\ 



W. A. Kahle 



CAR CRASH 



\ 



Sh:: stands in the wind- •- 

a stone of the ages, 

enotion erased 

fron outer view. 

No nore sn.iles 

to stretch across the lips 

of the woman struck, 

damaged dee] >e st — 

raped of her very intelligence. 

She stanl in the wind — 
a lianond eroded, 
fastened to a rusted post. 
Those nurky eyes 
holding back horrors 
of the family destroyed-- 

Anr.ihi 7 ot. -d by a foi-ce 
Ka )wn weJ 1 • 



She stands in the wind — 
an ancient, decrepit house, 
once elegant and l^ved, 
a sightly panorana 
now WDrn, withered, 
we abhor-- 1 ; oaten as tine 
and fate joined powers 
with glass and S] eed — 
to crack her vulnerable mind 
the crack exploded one night, 
her family vanished 
somewhere in the vicinity 
of infinity. 

She stands in the wind-— 
changed, altered, 
never the way she was. 
She's surely nlivo, existing— 
but simultaneously dead . . . 



***#■<(••'.' X X- 



-15- 



Dan Druszkowski 



I AM AS THOUGH I WERE HOT 



Secuded in the darkness of my world, 
I began to feel uneasy about the purpose 
of my being. I had a dying feeling deep 
within myself. It was as though I was no 
longer deemed important to existence 9 and 
I was a mere nuisance to the lives out- 
side ny world. I began to ask questions. 
These questions were answered by a hypno- 
tic voice that provided temporary securi- 
ty with its absence of direct concern. 

"What is dying like?'' T asked. 

"Oh, dying?" the voice asked* "You 
need not be concerned with such ideas as 
lyiii ■ of yet, ny young soul. How can 
one die when one is yet to be born?" 

"If I an yet to be born, how is it 
i that I am alive?" 

"Are you? There are those who would 
orm: with you on this natter, saying, 
ny son j you are not alive." 
■ N "Then how is it that I can function 
as though I were alive? Surely I an, by 
■v definition, alive!" 
\ "Many do agree and sympathize with 



"Stall for time?" 

"... stall for tine. Miict you be 
so rude at times?" 

"Don't shout at me, my son. ' can 
hear you. Please »~o on." 

"I need heir with 



idea. 



cnrryxii ■ 



; ns 



"Now listen," the voice continued. 
■ : It v s obvious that death worries you. 
You need not be so worried. Do you net 
think I am capable of caring for you? If 
I were to assist you into recognized ex- 
istence, you may never hear my voice a«- 
gain. If all depends upon whether ^r net 
you want a challenge or a free pass.' 1 

"You make this all seem so easy." 

"That's my job." 

"I would not want your job." 

"I don't blame you. It can be pret- 
ty demanding at times." 

"So what should I do?" 

"Well 5 don't apply for this position 
if I should ..." 

"Ho, about my situation.' 1 

!; 0h 3 excuse ny oblivity. OTlivitp? 



word? I'll have to c 



your opinion, but through the genius of 
the recognized living, there are defini- Is that 
tions of life that can be made to outweigh with Mr. Webster about this one. 
\ the most solid evidence suggesting the op- not a word, it really should be 
yposite." I felt this conversation wa 

"So, I'm left to the mercy of others. "where I had hoped it would; I w 



\ 



"Correct." 

''Should I not be given the opportu- 
nity tc tell ny story to those who wish 
to, kill me?" 

"You have not the capabilities to 
communicate with 3'"our fellow beings." 

"How teen can I speak with you?" 



f it's 

t g~>iiv 
grow- 

lue 



>e £ 



"Vo 



You are not speaking, ny child, 
wo are communicating, but not 



through the use of any physical faculties 

Soon, I felt they would cone for me, 
and end my existence that was yet to be. 
Js would be only a slight memory in a few 
/' minds, and forgotten within a brief Lapse 
of tine. How cruel this all seemed. I 
needed a means of escaping this fate 
though it appeared there was only one 
path to existence, but it was blocked 
by time and unrelenting decisions. No- 
thing could ye done about the pace of 
tine, but decisions could be changed or 
delayed. There wasn't a wav to change 
the decision that decided my fate that I 
was capable of employing. I needed to 
stall for tine. 

"Hello?" I said. 

"What's your problem now?" the voice 
demanded . 

"I know you're busy, and I don't 
want to bother you, but ..." 

"But what?" 
T nave an idea. If i could 'just . 



ing tired. Time hadn't the sane 
between myself and the voice. I tried to 
display :oy boredom, but the voic: contin- 
ued. 

''I wonder, whoa, wondering gets my- 
self into trouble," it said. "Just let 
my imagination on its own for a few days, 
and pow! I end up with more work and prob- 
lams than planned. Let's see nor what 
'can I do for you? Oh, yes , the young 
soul on death row." 

The voice rambled on for what seemed 
like months. It spoke of many things tha J 
seemed to be in no way related to the 
crisis at hand — -my death. 

Perhaps the voice was /retting old, 
and senile. This was a possibility, and 
it concerned me. Despite ny blatant at- 
tempts to cut short the voice's side of 
the conversation, it continued. 

. . . Oh , wait one moment . It 
wasn't 1277, but 1265 . Or it night have 
been the year 1262. You know, there's 



a different date for every day, o 1 that 
makes it difficult to remember j'oot what 
happened and when ..." 

"Forgive my interruption, I 
not helping me." 

"Havent I? I've only been 
on for only I know how long, sue 
stalling for time on your behalf 
isn't anyone who can cause you h 
you're in my presence. Oh, my confuse 

young soul, it looks as though y a may 
bo born!" 



you ' re 

.bling 

:sfully 



wnen 



-16- 



W. A. Kahle 



Kin Baxa 



BOOZED BLINDNESS 



THE EDGE OF DARKNESS 



Ariber bourbon 
Socks the "brain 
Wit h ac c onpli shnent . 
A lie? Of course. 
Why? Who cares- 
Buy ne another drink. 

Whirling colors 

Pass the eyes 

That do liot care. 

The truth? You bet. 

Okay? "To way . . . 

out buy ne another drink.. 

■ 

Wrenching bellies 

Are so vu -l ~°- r 

And nauseate. 

Pleasant? Mope. 

Disgusting? Yes! 

And please, will you buy ne another drink? 

Bloody bodies 

Litter highways 

With death and agony. 

Catastrophic? Certainly. 

Horrifying? Absolutely! 

So buy no another drink. 

Over-" ack.-d ceneterios 

Frequent Anerican lands 

With young alcoholic passings. 

Lovely? Never! 

Appr ec i at ed? Inpo s s ible — - 

And shut uo and buy ne another drink! 



W. 



Xahl^ 



PERILOUS KNOWLEDGE 



Flowers , 
a sea of tulips 
viewed on. routa 
to the sanitarium 
makes going nuts 
funny . 
An old bag 
with worn- ;ut 
J sans and a 
nan's flannel 
shirt, prins 
ovcsr a garden 
of color . . . 



Fading in 

Fading out, 

Bits and pieces 

are renenbered. 
a face here, 
a voice calling. 

The fog hides all. 

Struggling to see 

where no light 

can -enetrate. 
Fighting against 

the dar lines s. 
Ripping aside 

slowly and steadily 

only to find 
nore darkness. 



Judy Bel'field 



COMING TO NAUGHT 

Tine, a nan older than hirisolf . 

strength surpassing 

the exaggerations of nyth or e: ic 

pushes us ahead 

with a cold, silent sweep of or 

deaf to flattery 

blind to the sniles of childrer. 

and the wink of seasons 

effortlessly propelling . . . 

I would stand and face hin, 

see the trail that lei to hero 

and shake ray fist in anger; 

I would know the futility 

"^f such rebellion, 

being noved forward all the while 

I raved and spat, 

ana so, decide, 

the only way t< win 

is conorcnise 

but never learn 

that conpronise is ny word 

and Tine 

has not heard it. 



- ot party. 



while x 



lit 



in i steel-barred 
car with cuffs 
ya those shaking 

han Is - 

I'n ri t crazy! 
Mcr ? ■■■ >. ' - 
a c n on luty, 
still stru-',*.-out 
iY >] 1 s,st night ' s 






. . . Go ahead- 
throw no in 
a soft coll — 
toss that 
rusty key into 
a safe to lock . . . 
for I know a truth 
\\ • >ne will over 
accept: 
the Russians are coning! 



M x * H X » X H 



-1 7- 



w. 



Kahle 



Judy Delfielc 



THE NOVELIST 



FORE/FOUR /FOR-VORDS 



/ 



I create people 

for fun. 

I naka lives 

unique— 

adv snturesone . 

I have live:. 

a thousand pages — 

with thousands yet 

to 50 . . . 

Pieces of ne 

will never die, 

they'll live eternally. 

In an hour or so, 
I'll take one 
1 century away, 
allowing millions 
to drean. 
I lust 

after language— 
denanding nore words 
to print. 

I ari. a wizard 
wi-feli settings — 

possessing scores 
•'of scenes. 
None will ever 
\ totally know me- — 
hy secrets too 
vast to register. 

My hobby 

is observation. 

I watch— 

I . ponder— 

I transform— 

denting or delighting 

hearts 

of those I vision — - 

designed to he 

shared . . . 

. . . with you 

?£ % .jj it % aj •% .;j 

Valerie Radcliff 

RULERS 

Ants and. Pees 
Rule I the grasslands 
With a busy hand. 
Cats and dags 
Ruled the alleys 
With -a warring hand. 
Lions and bears 
,. Ruled the forests 
With an iron hand. 
Donkeys and elephants 
Ruled the nation 
With 1 thoughtless^ hand. 



-18- 



Foresight gives urge 

to foretell 

sone situation foreseen 

perhaps, four-score 

into the future. 

Nostradamus , c ert ainly , 

(or at least, reportedly) 

had eyes 

that saw through his today 

into his tonorrow 

which is our now- — 

sone of it; 

sone still waits to happen, 

if it will. 

Foreknowledge ,. covered by tine, 

is somewhat chameleon; — 

we can make it fit 

"by altering the seans a bit, 

like Armageddon 

and the Second Coming 9 

which is, after all, , 

only a half or doubled foreclo iv 

not to nention 

a half -nelson 

on forever. 

W. HA. Kahle 



LANGUAGE IN A ROOM AT MIDNIGPT 

In a state of absolute silence 
one mind slows down, stops. 
At midnight, , 

the switch is pulled— 
there is only a single sound: 
Tick-tcck. . .tick-tock. . .tick-tock. . . 

The, room sneaks in its danguage 

the accent's known but unacknowledged 
At midnight , 
the soeech is begun 
in a graphic tonnue 
no human can create: 
Clink. • .clinic. . .bonk. . .tonk. . . 

The synphon3r is hushed, so coy, 

careful not to rlisturb its occu out. 

At midnight, 

the room's master rests 

as one .tune drowns out the others : 

Tick-tock. . .Tick-tock. . .Tick-t~ch. . . 

Some know, some don't 

supposedly a secret, 

rooms talk, holies sing, 

in language 

officially undiscovered- 

Think— 

remember— 

the dialogue will cone to mind, 

when silent in sharp thought 

it's there: 

Tick-tock. . .clink. . .Tick-tock. . /. —ok. . . 

Tick-tock. . .tink. . .Tick--tock. . .+ 11P. . . 



Kim Baxa 



W. A. Kahle 



WHEN MIDFIGHT CEASES TO EXIST 



ISSUES 



Wlisn midnight ceases to exist 
the s" irits fly 
and children dance 

Fantasies are horn anew 
and every dream 
will have a chance 

Celebrations overflow 
and every face 
holds a smile 

When midnight ceases to exist 
each tear 
sentenced to exile 

Celebrations will grow weary 
and soon each 
snile will fade,, 

Happiness will lose 
all meaning and 
no new ones will be made. 
\ 
There can never be 

a wrong without 
a ri^ht. 



When midnight ceases to exist 

the sun shall 
\ shine less bright. 



\ 



Cars— 

monoxide spreaders 
soaking lungs 
in poison. 
Smoke — 

thick and streamy 
pouring out of mouths 
that rot with disease. 
Alcohol- 
flooding brains 
in letha^ oblivion. 

Dead babies — 
cut out, trashed 
by mothers 
of the era. 
Murder or choice? 
Wrong or right? 
Decisions of 
minds too many. 

Moral immoralities, 
simplistic complexities- 
in a world so 
barbarically bombarded 
with issues. 



W. A. Kahle 



#*fc#*3B:-# 



Kim 3axa 



MY DEAREST DAUGHTER 

"My Dearest Daughter, 

I am writing this to you on the 
\4ay of your birth for you to read on 
t your l8th birthday. Why am I writing 
/• this, you may ask. I am writing to 

tell you of my hopes, my dreams, my hap- 
piness, my fears, and my worries. I 
also hope that you can gain a littla 
wisdom from this letter." 

He never knew that she had written 
a letter for Stephanie. He just came 
upon it by accident while cleaning 
out the closet. It was in the small 
wooden latter box that he had given 
Lara for their first wedding anniversary. 
/ Oh, could he ramember the day 
/Stephanie was born! No one could forget 
/ such a pivotal moment in one's life. 

They had been married about a year 
and a half, and couldn't have been hap- 
pier. Then, they found out that Lora was 
pregnant, and they were happier. He was 
in the delivery room with Lora, and he 
had more pains in hsi abdomen than she 
because he was so nervous. Then, there 
she was, their beautiful little girl. He 
h aid her so long that it almost 
took as ..long to take her out of her arms 
as it did to deliver her. 

"I just want you to know that I am 
ii ">ior nt +-.M n M. ii : ->nt tlnn T have eitrev 



ANTHEMS 

The liner sailed into the harbor; 
releasing hundreds of needy men — 
save one— 
who possess the rhythm of life. 

Groups of aged widows gathered along 

the shore, 
each poor in currency flow- 
save one- 
holding the key to the rhythm :f life. 

At a bar near near Clark and ¥ in, 
a crowd of couples drank b^ur" 1 :.■ — 
save one — - 

wishing the others know of the rhythm 

of life. 

A playground was shotted with children, 
who all iesired to get along--- 
save one — 

that was brought up thus far w-'th the 

rhythm of life. 

The funeral " rought -rief and son w to 

eighty faithful frieir 1 

re "retting the leceased's untimely end — 

save one— 

the loved-one that died with th: rhy- 
thm of life. 

boon in my entire life. I hav Just 
:iven birth to a now, wonderful, beau- 
cIl'ul hurtful beirKj. But, more khan 

(continued) 



.m o. 



\ 



My Dearest* D*- ighter, continued 



that, you are your father's and ny child. his body as it screamed. The rest of 
; Xpu are a part of your father, your are a what the lieutenant had to say was nuf- 
Nbart of generations of people, yet are also fled "by his sorrow, 
complete and separate fron n,ny other person "They were shot and killed urin/7 ?, 
that has ever lived or will live. Because a robbery at a snail corner store. You 

x " ' this vary fact that you are you, I love will have to cone down and make a p ;i- 
Vou very much. As for ny hopes and dreams, tive identification. You should or^ • 
£>he 'as already been metj you are complete, bably have someone drive for you." 

Jfrhole, and healthy. I hope you remain that 
\ay for a long, Ions time. I want that you 
a^e happy and content all of your life, and 

. >d:at vou never have to worry about when or 
vbere or how the next meal will come. 

"Your father and I want to give you 
Tihe best possible start on life by giving 
ydu a lions, an education, and all the love 



There was only silence. 

"Mr. Westnan?" Click. Mr. r.st- 
nan had let the receiver fall into the 
cradle. He sat in his chair for an 
eternity. Mark, a friend from t : of- 
fice, asked him if he was okiy. "ark 
ended up driving bin to the morg 1 2 9 the 
police station, and then hone. When he 
sot hone, he just sat, hugging Stephanie 1 
presents and crying. Mark stay:;: with 



him until s -meone could come to 
bin. 

The next few days passed a: 
they were a dream, a nightmare. 
had to notify all their relativ 
friends. Then, he had to endur 
he stood there as people talked 
about Lora and Steohanie and t~ 
just hung around his head like ■ 
never penetrating. 

He was dead, empty insid 



though 


First he 


ori/^ 


.■be wake 


bin 


words 


cloud, 



ve have to give." 

Nine years old she was, their little 
Stephanie. Hard to believe how fast she bin until s -meone could cone to 
- grew. He could still see her at five with 
pigtails hanging out from under her base- 
bpdl cap ; and. yet she was a little princess 
\y£n. her dresses. When she was four, she 
A was so very curious. She had bis, brown 
eyes that seemed to want to takeeverything 
£nd analyze it all. One time, she asked 
\ him as they were driving-in. the country, 
V'Why do the leaves fall off the trees?" 

fie tried to answer as best he could, but He was dead, empty insiie and didn't 
she always replied, "Why? After about five want to be consoled and comforted. The 
minutes of "Why?" he gave up anc 
dq&'t know." 

A She turned her pert little nose and 
pouting mouth to him and said, "Daddy, I 
thought you knew everything." 

They tried to have more children, but 
it never happened. Stephanie never lacked 
playmates though, if she wasn't with her 
\ little friends, the three of then were 
together. Hot only were they close to 
Stepbanie, but he and Lora became closer 
too. 

''I suppose than one reason I want to 



/: 



said. 



funeral was worse; he couldn't 1 or the 
thought of putting then in the vrnund. 
After the funeral he had to stand by and 
listen as everyone told him to go or 
with his life. How could he, though, who 
his life was just buried? 

At hone, he was lost, alone with toe 
many memories, and too riuch food... ITo 
one thought he could take care of himself 
and so, they were right, he couldn't 
take care of bins elf. 

Yesterday, he looked in th mirror 
and saw a very Sad man. His be: rd was 
scraggly and his eyes sagged. They were 



write something for you is to teach you one 
thing. One thing that is important to know hollow and enpty. That night h 
while you are young and still have an en- dream in which Lora said to him 
tire life ahead of you. One lesson that you out of it. You have to start r 
can always remember and knew that I gave with yeur life. Don't let our 
to you to help you in life. have been a waste. Live again- 

''You have just cone to the age when you So, today, he cleaned up r. 
are looked upon as an adult, and your whole packing a few things away, whic 
life is -'stretched out before you. Don't he found this letter, 
let your youth fool you. If tine was fair "Don't make the mistake of 
we would all have enough time to do every-- until tomorrow, because tonorr- 
thing we ever wanted, but it isn't fair. Go wiat for you. 



Snap 
.ft on 



1 r> r^ c O p 

is when 

r aiting 

nay not 



out and ret what you want, don't hurt others 
in the process, but if you want something, 
you have to work for it now." 

Her ninth birthday, last Tuesday. He 
was in the office when he got the call. 

"Hello," said the voice, "is this Mr. 
We st nan? ;s 

"Ye-s, this is, nay I help you?" 

"This is Liettenant Batson, I think 
you should sit down. It's about your wife 
and .laughter. I'n sorry ..." 
/ The words echoed in his ears, his very 
-seuld drooped to tbe floor. His heart 
/shrank to the size of a grape as it xntxpp?* 1 



I will always love 



you. 



Mom" 
Lora was right as usual 
start living again . - 
s t ar t. Jtomcrrav . 



He wcul ' 

but h KCQUld 



#-»###*## 



> 



-20- 



/ 



/ 



Judy Belfield 



PASSED DOWN 



Flat, s hid") wed earth 
stretching out to black sky— 
an Indian stood hers once, 
looked across the flat land 
to the night horizon 
into a turban of stars. 
Ho didn't see neon 



or 



ectrac 



didn't hear power bristling 

thrcu • h cables strung fron latticed towers 

trailing off to a generating station. 

But he nay have "wondered 

about his nightlights 

the sane lights here 

beyond the neon 

and electric- — 

in that nonent 
she left his soul 
. t>o the wind 
V?.nd I feel it now 

trenblino in sleep . 



; . ! 



I' 



an Baxa 



TRICK OP. TP2AT & MERRY CHRISTMAS 

HEWS FLASH: Christmas and Halloween are 
ncfe neighboring holidays. 
y Every year, it seens that Christnas 
^follows closer and closer behind Hall^w- 
\een 5 not to nention Thanks 'giving. You 
renenber Thanksgiving , it's part of the pre- 
Christ.nas festivities where you get togeth- 
er with the fanily nenbers y^u haven't 



lights still up in nid-January. Hopefull" 
they will not find out that they are not 
a dying breed. They night band . ^eth- 
er and elect ny nother as presi . _o + . 

It was a week before Thanh": - . r.ng 
when I cane hone fron work anl h: rd 
-sone nusic playing in another r - \. 
It sounded faniliar, but I coul 



inc 



eat as nuch food .as 



seen m a year, 
you can. 

I have 'often asked why it is that 
Christnas season cones sooner each year, 
but the only answer I get is that I'm just 
getting older. But, I think it's nore than 
that- For exanple, I saw an ad for a can- 
era, that had a Christnas tree in the back- 
ground, and this was Halloween night! 

Don't get ne wrong, I an not a bah- 
hunbug, but I do have difficulty singing 
.Chri^cnas carols while I an polishing off 
"•"he last of the Halloween candy. 

Of course, there is someone to Tolane 
for the harried Christnas season— the 
Christnas Fanatics. 

These are the synptons cf a Christnas 
Fanatic: 

Soneone who: 

-has their Christnas shopping done be- 
fore Thank s , T i vi ng . 

•■unpacks the Christnas decorations in 
Uoveriber "Just to sea if they are all 



■ 1 4- 
o 

I 



re- 
;ot 



nenber where I had heard it. 
closer, I realized that what I wis hear- 
ing was Christnas nusic. 

One year in early October, ny nother 
dragged out a couple of bags and began 
showing ne Christnas loresents that she- 
had already bought. 

But, I knew she was a true Christ- 
nas Fanatic when she announced one year 
that we would be buying an artificial 
Christnas tree. I didn't think it was a 
good idea,, and argued that she c mldn't 
destroy a fanily tradition. Every year, 
I knew it was almost Christnas T b-oi the 
whole fanily went out searching and 
fighting for the "perfect Christnas 

We could spend hours looking at 



irnjs 

I '• 
s ore 



all 



ml 



tree. 

trees which always seened less 

once we got those sane trees horo 

was no use arguing, though. So 

pared. 

1. It will be less of a five 
hazard.. 

2. There won't be needles falli 
• over the floor. 

3. We can pick out a nics 
know that we will have a beautif 1 tree 
every year. 

ko There are never any really nice 
trees anynore anyway. 

5. We can pay for it once-, ana 
then we won't have to wrrry aboi ' spen..- 
iti ' nonsy ■ a tree ea.ch year. 

Even with all her well-worded argu- 
ments, she didn't fool ne. I knew the 
real reason why she wanted an artificial 
Christ? :as tree. She wanted to be able 
to put it up earlier and talcs it 1 N wn 
later. 

With ny nether leading the pack, 
t he Christnas Fanatics nay soon make 
Christnas in July a reality. 



-21- 



-has th i freezer filial with c ^okies 
and candies for Christnas by December 1st. 

-gets the Christnas records (all 50 n' 
th ■") out in N->venher to "lust then off anl 
listen for scratches ." 

Th*: rz arc nore Christnas Fanatics out 
there than s me oeonle ni ;ht think. One 
sure sign is the house that lias Christinas 



Willi an E. Willi oris, Jr. 



For ] 

a voice 

that cripples 

my nightmares 



******** 



X 



Judy Belfield 



CIRE PER DIEU* 
I 

]L cannot he molten bronze 
poured into a noil; 
I would turn green 
ds^fora I had "become cold— 
I Could not do it 
even for Rodin, 

though I lost a chance at immortality. 
I cannot fit myself 
into that space 
where the war waits 
to be replaced; 
cannot agree 
that this curve 
is where it should be. 
I will be ore- 
crude 5 

in my own studio, 
shaped, if ever, 
by accident. 



^Process, in art, of molding 
bronze 

******** 



Ju.iy Belfield 



FOR ALL THE JEF^S 

He wears a brown jacket 

and chews gun. 

His hair is blonde 

styled by a professional. 

Yellow stitching 

on his breast pocket 

tells me his name is Jeff. 

I see him passing the window, 

just another leaf in the wind. 

I watch now 

and soon forget. 

Jeff, did you ever think 

you could be so insignificant? 

That you could pass so easily 

into someone else's life 

for a few s r ;c -.no's 

an.1 then out forever? 

Had you looked my way 

I might have considered 

my own insignificance 

instead of, as it happens, 

my own absurdity. 

******** 



William E. Williams, Jr. 



ROXAME 

There's intermittent sounds 

of something going wrong, 

hard against the concrete, 

as lights too bright, 

darken the view 

of a soft young girl, 

leapt upon in cars- 

Her short black hair, 

magnetic, 

attracting every clumsy hand. 



******** 



-22- 



» (